Fitting In

I had my first run-in recently with the dreaded "public school social scene" and it wasn't pretty.

Something happened yesterday that I never thought would happen.... well, at least not until my daughter was in middle school... or high school.... Anyway, Marissa came home from school yesterday very upset. It took almost two hours for her to finally talk to me about what was bothering her - and an argument with her brother over who could tickle whom was the catalyst for her opening up... this is how our conversation went -

(Jake not wanting to be tickled) - "No, sissy, no! Owwwwwweeee."
(Marissa) - Jakey doesn't want to play with me either, I'm having such a bad day."
(Me) - "Why do you feel you are having a bad day sweetpea?"
(Marissa) - "Nobody would play with me at recess today AGAIN and now my baby brother won't even play with me either. I'm having the worst day ever!"
(Me) - "Ummm...... why didn't you play with anyone at recess?"
(Marissa) - "I asked everybody and nobody wanted to play with me! I had to just sit by myself on the ground."
(Me) - Speechless from having ugly flashbacks of instances when I was picked on in school.... and by the fact that I cannot think of anything to say to help her feel better. :(

I never thought this would happen to Marissa so soon and I'm really perplexed as to how a little girl who has always been a social butterfly can feel like she doesn't fit in with her classmates. One of my theories is the "big fish, little pond / little fish, big pond" theory - she went from being the "leader" of her preschool class to feeling like she can't find her place amongst her new classmates. But how in the world do I explain this to her? And what can I say to her to help her cope with all of the instances this may happen in the future..... because I know very well that this will be something that happens again... whether it's tomorrow or ten years from now when she ends up in one of those oh-so-great (not) high school girlfriend spats. :( I think the key is for Marissa to feel confident to be herself, but I'm not sure how easy it will be to teach this life skill to a kindergartener.....

I did have an inkling that something was up one day when I was home with Jake (he had a fever) and we went for a little walk in the afternoon when he felt better. Marissa's class was actually outside for recess when we went past the school. She didn't see us, but I spotted her right away and my eyes followed her as she skipped all over the blacktop in-between the equipment. I expected her to be playing or talking to any of the kids at any moment... but just kept on skipping around all by herself. She would stop here and there to look around or to sit down, but she never once went over to socialize with her classmates. This really concerned me because I had never seen her do this before; but I tried to convince myself that I was overreacting and that she would be fine. But when she became so upset yesterday, it made me realize that this just might become a real issue that we will have to deal with fairly soon.

Maybe I am overreacting... maybe I am just a concerned mommy who's heart aches when her daughter is upset over friends and school.... I'm just like any mommy. I know what makes my daughter unique and wonderful and wonder why on earth others can't see these things for themselves. No matter what, I need to do some research on this to find some strategies to help her cope. I honestly never saw this coming so soon and feel like such an incompetent mom for not knowing what to do to help her through it.

The Night Before Kindergarten...

Dear Marissa,

Tomorrow is such a big day in your little life. Tomorrow you will begin kindergarten and a new and exciting chapter will begin for you. This is terribly cliche, but it seems like just yesterday I was taking one of our 3 a.m. "walks" around the living room with you... making a figure eight from the front of the room to the dining area, into the kitchen, and back toward the front door. I would always take a peek out of the front door window to see if any other lights were on in the houses on our block.... hoping that I wasn't the only one awake in the world at that ungodly hour. I can still smell the wisps of your baby shampoo and hear your rhythmic breathing as you would (finally) fall asleep in my arms. Up the stairs I would trot... very, very carefully... and say a little prayer as I went to lay you in your crib. Without fail the moment your head hit the pillow you would wake up, let out a little cry, and reach for me with your pudgy little arms. Of course at the time I was so frustrated I would wish for you to be older, even 5 maybe, so that you would finally be able to fall asleep on your own, without our nightly ritual. There are times I would give anything to repeat one of our walks. They were some of the most peaceful moments of my life.

There have been many changes in our life since those long nights. But you have never lost your spunk, fun-loving personality, or your stubbornness. You have grown into such a smart little girl who is always up for a challenge. I can already sense that we have a teacher's pet in the making. :)

You are so excited to begin school and already love your teacher (even though you've only met her twice!) I am excited for you - and for our family. Some of your greatest memories, adventures, and friends will be products of your school years. Some our families greatest memories will be made from your school activities, sports, events, etc. I can't wait to watch you at your first band concert or to help you get ready for your first prom. This milestone seems like such a monumental one, but when I think about all of the other exciting milestones to come, it really puts this one into perspective.

No matter how many milestones we cross together, you will always be my little Marissa-girl.

I love you so much,

Mommy

50 Picture Books Everyone Should Know

Much to my excitement, my daughter completed her pre-kindergarten screening this past spring. We are very fortunate to be living in an excellent school district - our children will be attending one of the best public elementary schools in the area and for that we are extremely thankful. During Marissa's kindergarten screening, we (parents) met with the principal and went over school year and logistical info, etc. Also during this time, he passed out a sheet listing "50 Picture Books Everyone Should Know." Mr. G. stressed the importance of our kids knowing (or at least listening to once) these particular books before they begin kindergarten. They assist in helping children learn to read, teach morals, values, and many are classics! I've had multiple friends ask for a copy of the list and so I thought I would share online as well!

Here they are:

1. Abuela - by Arthur Dorros
2. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day - by Judith Viorst
3. Animals Should Definitely Not Wear Clothing - by Judi Barrett
4. Anansi and the Moss-Covered Rock - by Eric A. Kimmel
5. Andy and the Lion - by James Daugherty
6. Ben's Trumpet - Rachel Isadora
7. Blueberries for Sal - by Robert McCloskey
8. The Bossy Gallito: A Traditional Cuban Folk Tale - retold by Lucia M. Gonzalez
9. Bread and Jam for Frances - by Russell Hoban
10. Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? - by Bill Martin, Jr.
11. Caps for Sale; A Tale of a Peddler, Some Mondays and their Monkey Business - by Esphyr Sloboclkina
12. The Carrot Seed - by Ruth Krauss
13. A Chair for My Mother - by Vera B. Williams
14. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom - by Bill Martin, Jr. and John Archambault
15. Corduroy - by Don Freeman
16. Curious George - by H.A. Rey
17. The Day JimmyU's Boa Ate the Wash - by Trinka H. Noble
18. Dear Zoo - by Rod Campbell
19. Doctor De Soto - by William Steig
20. Farmer Duck - by Martin Waddell
21. The Fortune - Tellers - by Lloyd Alexander
22. Freight Train - by Donald Crews
23. George and Martha - by James Marshall
24. Go Away - Big Green Monster - by Ed Emberly
25. Goodnight, Gorilla - by Peggy Rathmann
26. Goodnight Moon - by Margaret W. Brown
27. Grandfather's Journey - by Allen Say
28. Happy Birthday, Moon - by Frank Asch
29. Harold and the Purple Crayon - by Crockett Johnson
30. Harry the Dirty Dog - by Gene Zion
31. Henny Penny - by Clarion
32. Horton Hatches the Egg - by Dr. Seuss
33. I Know an Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly - Illustrated by Glen Rounds
34. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie - by Laura J. Numeroff
35. Is it Red? Is it Yellow? Is it Blue? An Adventure in Color - by Tana Hoban
36. It Could Always Be Worse. A Yiddish Folktale - retold by Margot Zemarch
37. John Henry - by Julius Lester
38. The Judge: An Untrue Tale - by Harve Zemach
39. Julius - by Angela Johnson
40. Komodo! - by Peter Sis
41. Leo the Late Bloomer - by Robert Kraus
42. Little Blue and Little Yellow - by Leo Lionni
43. The Little Dog Laughed and Other Nursery Rhymes - by Lucy Cousins
44. The Little Old Lady who was not Afraid of Anything - by Linda Williams
45. Little Red Riding Hood - retold by Paul Galdone
46. Lunch - by Denise Fleming
47. Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile - by Bernard Waber
48. Madeline - by Ludwig Bemelmans
49. Maisie Goes Swimming - by Lucy Cousing
50. Make Way for Ducklings - by Robert McCloskey

Suggestions for gathering all of these books:
- buy used at a bookstore, library, or on amazon.com
- hunt for books at garage sales
- trade or swap books with friends and family members


thank you to Tipp City Broadway Elementary school for the book list!